essentialsaltes | Only of Larpies interest

Begging.
Celebs! Celebs!
The amazing Larpies TV spot is now mysteriously on YouTube. If you haven't seen it, get ready to spork your eyes out.

If the producers, this instant, suddenly announced FREE ENTRY, they could probably get a few dozen local LARPers to show up, and maybe more than a few dozen autograph hounds. I suspect they'll wait until the last minute and let all the homeless people into the place to make it look like a good crowd.

While I am able to muster the willpower not to go get the metal spork (or perhaps the spot can't even muster enough pathos of loathing to move me to do so) I am highly amused by the 100 confirmed press in the begging post... one wonders if they haven't discovered that LARPers can forge credentials (and many in the LA area do so annually well enough to get press passes to E3).

Yeah. Huh. They Craigslist Post was the first I heard of *any* confirmed Press. Please note that this event has a "divide by 10 divide 10" shrink. for instance, it was originally to have had 10,000+ attendees...now it has a 1,000 or so person venue with 4 tickets sold. SO, 100 celebs, let's see here...um 1. Yup. 1. Wanna bet is Telemundo?

I'm putting together an "odds this or that" will happen post. Top of the List: Odds they Comp. in 500 people. GOD, someone has to be taking a freakin' *bath* on this thing, don't they??

Someone probably paid a lot of money for the flash website (they shouldn't have, but they probably did). The other websites were probably done by one of the promoters using Front Page or something, so that was free. The sites seem to be hosted on some almost-but-not-quite free provider.

Someone spent, what, twenty bucks on the video spot?

I guess air time next to the phone sex spots isn't cheap... maybe they didn't have to pay cash-up-front and will skip out on the invoice.

How much can it possibly cost to put down a deposit on the auditorium?

The CELEBS CELEBS that didn't cancel were probably the ones whose agents told them that it would be okay to burn an evening where they weren't doing anything anyway just to get the "exposure", plus dinner and cab fare.

The camera crew can just be told to go home before the thing starts.

They might get out of this whole thing with just washing their hands instead of taking a bath. You can tie up the loose ends in deadbeat collections and penny-ante lawsuits for years afterwards before anybody gets a dime.

I bet renting the club is a serious outlay. I also bet the almost-certainly-nonrefundable deposit is a huge chunk of the total price. Some of the other sites on the LA Conservancy mention their prices. The prices vary pretty wildly, but I bet they've put down at least $10K. In emails, I think Valenti has mentioned a total budget of around $35K.

Were I in LA, I would SO be going to this thing for the pure schadenfreude. I eagerly look forward to your postmortem!

The more things change, the more they piss me off.

From the revised 'itinerary' for the Saturday pre-party:

7 PM "Nominees & Re-enactors interacting with passers-by to promote LARPY Awards next day."
9 PM Doors to the party open.

They want me to shill on a sidewalk for two hours? Not gonna happen. Guess I'll have to let them know and see whether I get uninvited from the party...

From Ballard:

Yeah I would say those who want to take part in battle scene can, those who don't just wait in the wings (as long as they're in costume.)

Yay! I don't have to get beaten with a foam sword!

Re-enactor participation in event promo is optional, but obviously the more people we can get to come to the event the better it will be.

Yay! Shilling on the sidewalk is optional.

And I've put down UCLA Enigma with a "plus 40" at the door, so that should get everyone in.

Word! And May? The official definition of 'an Enigman' is that you've been to at least one meeting, so feel free to proudly claim your free entry into this glorious event. You've earned it.

Sony Online Entertainment owns the copyright to the dark elf artwork used on the Larpies website. It is remotely possible that NERO has some sort of deal with Sony that would allow such use, but it's about as probable as George Lucas coming to the Larpies.

From one of the bands no longer appearing at the pre-party.

Chewbacca is no longer on the schedule. If I win, should I do this to Adrien Brody?

Yes.

Dr. Teng makes his feelings known.
In a comment, sailorflare avoids my wrath by not mocking my wife (while sorta kinda picking on the three other nominees).

nathan_h flew in from the UK to be part of the Larpies:

poignancy = I've been thinking today about the Larpy awards or not. I told my parents about it and they strongly recommend I go since it could be a unique opportunity and good for networking / career prospects.

and The bad news here (as well as the implications to my bank balance) are it's the same weekend as Ammo's wedding.

and of course his nomination.

molotov02 makes his gentle opinions known.

Yes, we dutchee larpers mock it, too. I must say I have been following everything with interest.

Let's try a reading comprehension test!

Please be in costume and ready to be interviewed starting at 10 AM.

Now, I know these people are fuck-ups, and I was leery of going to the interviews since the room was still TBA on the official schedule. So I called Ballard around 10:30 (he sounded like I woke him up) and he said that Mitch was at the hotel setting things up. He gave me Mitch's phone#, but I only got his voice mail. I figgered he was either interviewing (and had his cel off) or was super busy. So, despite still having a TBA room, I set off for the Renaissance Hollywood Hotel.
The valet did his best not to goggle his eyes as I pulled various pieces of monster out of the car and piled them up in front of the hotel.
I could make a really long story out of this, but the basic facts are these:

There was no one to greet me.
Joe Valenti had not yet checked in to the hotel.
The hotel staff denied knowledge of any Larpy interviews taking place in their meeting rooms.
The hotel schedule only mentioned things happening at 4PM (when specific interviews were scheduled - Zolar X, Ford Ivey, Lil Maxso... you know, the important people)

I cruised through the meeting rooms and saw nothing happening that seemed Larpy related. I hung out in the lobby and made some pissed-off and no doubt highly amusing phone calls to

aaronjv and

dark_of_night.

Just before I headed out to reclaim the car, an enormous kilt walked into the lobby, stuffed with an enormous Larper. He said that he didn't think anything was going to happen until noon. This did not halt my leaving, since I was pretty sure that, at best, things would start getting set up at noon. Later word through the grapevine seems to indicate that I was entirely right and things are/were to possibly maybe get started sometimes after noon.

Which is just too damn bad for the Larpies. I was told to be ready and in costume at 10. I actually showed up sometime after 11. I was willing to put on the mouse peepee monster suit and badabing badaboom knock out some interviews. But not only have they pissed me off by standing me up, but I have more important things to do with my afternoon.

Next step: the pre-party, where I will do my best to force NERO to buy me enough drinks to pay for all Larpies-associated valet parking, past and future.

Joe Valenti is Two-Bit Jerkwater Fuck-Up Git.

The drunken Aaron/Kevin duo worked on me until I actually left a fine dinner party scandalously early for the promise of entertainment at the Larpies pre-party. There it was, on the schedule, 9 PM at the HIghlands Hollywood Nightclub.
Becca dropped me off at the hotel, where I had been informed the pre-pre-party was swinging. There were indeed Larpers there, but Aaron and Kevin were nowhere to be found. Luckily, Kirsten was there to let me know that the two gents were settling a bet. Kevin bet Aaron that he (Aaron) would not run down a full block of Hollywood Boulevard sidewalk waving big foam swords in each hand. Since they both had been doing nothing but drinking for several hours, Kevin was doomed to lose this bet. Aaron, as I heard the story, sprang into action, the pedestrians parting like the Red Sea for a boffer-maniac Moses. Until he was accosted by Zorro and Jack Sparrow. Some sword play took place and I'm sure Aaron could have taken them both, but one arm was suddenly hindered by webbing. Spiderman had entered the fray. Zorro dispatched Aaron swiftly, but as it was all in fun, I assume Aaron started screaming and running down the sidewalk again. He went on to assault a stormtrooper taking a picture with some tourists, thwapping the agent of the Imperial Forces on the head with his foamy death-dealer. There was apparently quite the altercation, with the stormtrooper using some very unfamily-friendly language as he chased Aaron down the sidewalk.
Eventually, the victorious (?) Aaron returned to the hotel. Meanwhile, I had meeted and greeted the other dozen or so Larpers hanging about the hotel. Perfectly fine folk... most of the local. I even met

nathan_h (the UKian mentioned above) and we chatted for a considerable time. And I met the infamous Joe Valenti in the flesh for the first time.
Kevin bought me the drink he owed me (for coming) and Joe went off to see about the club.
The little Enigma-nucleus went off in search of foodstuffs. During which I learned the full story of the interview debacle. Kevin and Aaron had showed up around 3 or 4 in the afternoon and, I suppose in preparation for their attack on the streets of Hollywood, eventually got tired of waiting around for nothing and stormed the interview room with foamy weapons in hand. They broke in and kicked some ass and broke the seal on the minibar, consuming some cookies. They also found

obishawn inside, but it appeared that all interviewing activities had been completed for the day. It was over, no more. Presumably they got the important people like Ford and Lil Maxso, but not even obishawn (who had made it to the inner sanctum of interviewingness) had managed to get interviewed. Much less the Boffered Cookie Rustlers. The 'producers' weren't ready at 10 and they weren't ready at 4. They weren't really ready ever.
This flashback over, we returned to the hotel right around 9-ish, I think. There were a few fewer Larpers left in this war of attrition, but we socialized and formed strong bonds of interLarpy amity. Occasionally, Ira would call Joe to find out what was going on.
It takes a very short time to write this, but it took a very long time to discover this and endure the discovery thereof. It appears that the Highlands club had never heard of any Larpyness, and it transpired that no libations or potations were to be forthcoming from that quarter. Joe returned at some point. He is clearly a fairly useless excrescence who could not possibly enjoy my goodwill no matter how many free drinks he bought me. In this case, the number was one, which was a Newky Brown Ale because the FUCKING RENAISSANCE HOLLYWOOD HOTEL was OUT of GUINNESS. I will never stay there again. That knocks at least a star off, that does.
I would like to shake Joe like a rat and point to

nathan_h and say, "That poor unemployed sod somehow scraped up the money to fly himself and his wife(?) from the UK to LA because he thought 'it could be a unique opportunity and good for networking / career prospects.' You, Joe Valenti, are a very bad man."

The few remaining people felt the knell of finality and doom and broke up. Or, at least, that's what I assume, since Aaron, Kirsten and I jetted out with unparalleled rapidity.

So if we're keeping score:

Nominee Interviews: did not happen
Pre-Party: did not happen

Ah, but tomorrow. Tomorrow! The sun'll come out tomorrow! Tomorrow, the production team will reap the rewards of all the hard work they've put in over the past several months. Tomorrow, we all shall reap those rewards in the form of entertainment and the well-deserved recognition the LARP community will gain from the exposure. Tomorrow, my friends, will be:

The Larpies!

Huh. Sorry to hear 'bout the Guiness, my friend. Am amusing point...I deary do believe that they were selling tickets to the pre-party for $10 or something on wanttickets, weren't they? Please tell me you didn't have to buy a ticket.

PS: the phrase "enormous kilt...stuffed with an enormous larper" is teh awesome.

Oh, and I totally forgot (because I have the LA cool thing down) but Jon Voight was hanging out in the lobby of the hotel, too. He was at the next couch over. He's really tall.

Gee, Mike. How did the LARPYs turn out?

For all that took this in real serious content,get your head fixed..this is like a little league ball game,first in existence.It was fun winner or not and cannot say that we didn't all want to win but the sour notes in the tunes you sing are sad and inmature.It's just a game people..to HAVE FUN REMEBER.It's all about fun.

Only of Larpies interest

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Well.....

100 Confirmed

Yup

Re: Yup

Re: Yup

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Not uninvited & Enigma Entrance

new info from larpa-gen

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I am crushed

Re: I am crushed

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An international affair

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Ve know nossink.... nossink

Ve Also Know Nossink

GODDAMN IT MY COMMENT WAS TOO LONG

Re: GODDAMN IT MY COMMENT WAS TOO LONG

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Stupid fun?